What to Take and What to Leave Behind

Choosing which items to take to a nursing facility can be a joyful time or a painful experience - or a little of each. The fact is that your loved one will simply not have room for all their cherished possessions, furniture, etc. Be sure that they have visited their new home and are aware of the amount of space they will have before beginning the process of choosing what they will take.

Gifting family members with precious possessions is joyful. Giving a granddaughter a favorite serving bowl, for instance, can give the loved one a sense of family continuity. She can share stories of special times the bowl was used, and anticipate its use far into the future.

There is also a very real sense of letting go. Acknowledging that the things they have accumulated over their lifetime aren't all going to go with them. For many elderly individuals, this is difficult. Be patient with the process, and try not to rush it.

Seniors moving from their homes into smaller apartments, assisted living facilities or nursing homes typically have to get rid of 60 to 75 percent of their possessions.

Helping your loved one sort through their possessions can be a time of real connection, as each object evokes precious memories. Give your loved one the time they need to express their feelings and share their stories.

If possible, start early, so you'll have plenty of time for the process. Communicate openly with all family members, so they know that possessions are being sorted through. Doing this well in advance of a move allows your loved one to plan how they want to give away their possessions. There may be an heirloom or a quilt that a certain family member has their heart set on as a special memento from the loved one. Try to accommodate requests and respect everyone's feelings along the way.

You may want to consider having an estate sale or using an auction house, and you can enlist a professional who has experience in this area to help your family. This could take a great deal of stress away from you.

Try to enjoy the process. You may even want to videotape your loved one telling the story of each possession. It's amazing what buried memories a lamp or a stored dress or military medal can evoke. Tears and all, it is a powerful family experience.